The End of the Struggle

Hello faithful followers of Greg’s blog,

As many of you may have heard, Greg is now free from the ravages of Multiple Myeloma, having faced this challenge as he did all others in his life – with strength of will and character, with dignity, with curiosity and involvement, with a desire to benefit others by sharing his experience of the disease through this blog.

I have just reread his last blog,  posted July 28, which I composed as he was using his energy for other things. Just revisiting all those terrible conditions he endured in the final weeks makes for incredibly painful reading, and in retrospect, it should have been clear to us all that he was approaching the end of his life.

For those of you who have followed his journey, I include here a letter I sent to friends and family recounting his last few days.

Tuesday night August 4, the decision was made to cease further treatment for Greg’s Multiple Myeloma, and to release him to hospice care at home.  Paperwork delayed his arrival in Stow until late in the evening Thursday, when the ambulance finally arrived.  It was apparent that the more than two months he had spent in the hospital had truly taken its toll, but given that he had always been able to overcome and bounce back from unbelievably poor prognosis in the past, we all expected something of the same trajectory.  But not this time.

Greg passed away peacefully Sunday August 9 at 12:45 pm.  We had all taken turns being with him, night and day, so he was never alone.  I was with him when it almost seemed he tried to speak. Bridget was just down the hall, and together we saw and heard what turned out to be his final breath.  Brian, Andrew and Greg’s sister Margo were right there within seconds. 

We were all — even the hospice nurse who had left just minutes before, and returned for the necessary pronouncement — astonished at how quickly the end actually came.  It was calm.  He did not die alone; he was finally free of the intrusive hospital procedures, which obviously had been sustaining him through these final weeks.  Just Friday night, he made an appointment with a friend to meet at 9 am Saturday to go over what the other fellow needed to know to take over the role of treasurer for the affordable housing projects in Stow.  But by Saturday morning, even Greg agreed the meeting would not be productive.  

This is a very sad moment; but all of us are also very relieved.  His oncologist, Dr. Jessica Liegel, phoned me after she had been informed, and via speaker phone, addressed all of us.  She expressed what an honor it had been to treat Greg, to get to know us all, and how good it was that he got his wish to be home.  The hospice nurse was present during the call and commented that she had never, in nearly 20 years of doing this work, ever heard a doctor call a family like Dr. Liegel did, especially on a Sunday.  Her observation is that we had some special doctor, and clearly a special patient.  You can imagine the incredible comfort that brought to all of us.

The boys will be here for a couple of days, but now I can cancel the interviews I had for home health aids, and be able to move ahead slowly into this next phase of my life.  It will feel very lonely, even though I am surrounded by the best group of people you could imagine.  Brian’s wife Bridget, herself a doctor, was extremely helpful, as was my long time friend Jane, who watched over Brian’s three boys, ages 7, 5 and 3 Saturday and Sunday.  Jane’s husband took them for a ride in his Tesla, which features a “emission app” that does, well, what you imagine what would delight and entertain little boys.  I am so aware of the presence of laughter and youth, even in the midst of a shocking loss. 

Sunday night we celebrated Kevin’s 3rd birthday by being together and remembering many, many things about Greg.  We also all plan to be together at Cow Island the last week in August.  Family is providing the steady, competent help that anyone would be grateful for.  We are also so grateful for the generosity and closeness of the community we live in.  In so many ways, we have been blessed.  Greg should feel happy about the legacy of good works and good will that he leaves behind.  We all just wish we had been able to have our healthy, strong athletic Greg for many more years.  The cliche is that it takes a village to raise a child; as we know, it also takes a village to ease the passing of one of its most esteemed and beloved members.

Barbara

With a few days to absorb the rather astonishing events, I can see what a gift Greg gave us all.  He made it home.  He was fully conscious and recognized where he was and whom he was with, until about mid-day Saturday, when he slept more and more. But even Saturday night, he was responsive and helpful as much as he could be, when Andrew and I had to deal with some issues during the night. And he slipped away so quickly….no fight.  He spared us days or even weeks of our agony, watching him struggle.  He did not struggle and he gave us a gift of a peaceful passing, considerate to the end.

The weeks since his passing have been busy with family and dealing with many legal and financial issues that accumulate over a 49-year marriage.  I had hoped that Greg would realize how he was recognized and valued for the many ways in which he served the community – not just the town of Stow, but many other “communities”, such as the Friends of Nigeria (Peace Corps), the prison outreach community where he taught computer and math until it became unsafe for him to do so, any political community involved in expanding the privilege we have enjoyed to others…..I have been overwhelmed with literally hundreds of messages from so many of you, people who knew Greg in some capacity, and who recognized him as the person of integrity that he was.  He did not just talk the talk; he walked the walk.  It is incredibly gratifying to hear from you all, little vignettes or stories about him and how he impacted you.  He truly leaves a great legacy of, as I said earlier, good works and good will. 

We will have a true Celebration of Life at the First Parish Church in Stow when conditions permit.  Meanwhile, we had a family gathering on Cow Island in which we exchanged stories, then broke into one of Greg’s favorite activities – a big, inter-generational soccer game – a fitting way to honor him. 

Thank you all for your attention to the blog.  Greg’s memorial page, including many pictures,  may be viewed on the website www.fowlerkennedyfuneralhome.com

One note I received included these words by Chaim Potok, which the sender felt applied to Greg: “A span of life is nothing, but the man who lives that span, he is something.  He can fill that tiny span with meaning, so its quality is immeasurable though its quantity may be insignificant.  A man must fill his life with meaning.  Meaning is not automatically given to life.”  Greg gave great meaning to his life.  May we all do the same in his honor.

Barbara